Honest(ly) random thoughts

Life is confusing. Seriously. I wish I were superwoman, or maybe just a bit more like some of my friends (lisa). I want to work full time, have a baby, get a dual masters degree (=two masters in the same time as one) keep my house clean and still have time to blog and shop. But I don't think I can do it all. Heck, I don't even blog or shop as much as I want. So, instead of trying any or all I spend my time worrying about the what ifs and wondering how to keep a marriage alive in the midst of it all. =-/I'm sure worrying and what it ifs are the more painful than trying any and failing.

The book I'm reading In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day (Have I mentioned that it's a great book?) says that we need to be good stewards of our opportunities. Also one of the core values of our church (the author = my new pastor) is to work like it depends on you and pray like it depends on God. Easier said than done. Which opportunity am I to be a steward of? You know honestly, I think I can handle work + baby or work + school. But maybe the opportunity here is to try and do it all, working as hard as I can, praying hard as I can and then in the end it will all work out.

So the math would be:
me+Kevin+work+baby = easy, requiring God, but able to attempt on my own
me+Kevin+work+school = easy, requiring god, but able to attempt on my own
me+Kevin+work+baby+school=only possible by God's grace and help.
Ok, maybe the answers there Maybe I just need to not be a chicken, maybe I need to be a lion chaser - but, damn, the math is easier than living it out day by day. ARG! I feel like if I were called to go to Africa, sacrifice all that I have here, and surrender to martyrdom I'd pack my bags, kiss my husband, pet the princess Ellie, and jump across the ocean - why is it the "simple" things of work, baby, and school that frightens me? Hmm...

On a complete tangent, I really love igoogle. It's my favorite, especially now that they have a gadget that makes ladybugs crawl on your screen (and you can move them) AND I can play duck hunt!

While I'm tangenting (is that a word? Who cares!) I'm so stinken excited about going to Atlanta this weekend it's not even funny. I miss my friends something awful and it will be so great to see prego people and PT. As if that's not enough goodness packed in one weekend we're going to Myrtle Beach (never been) where we get to hang out with Kevin's cousin, Eric (best man in our wedding) and his wife, adorable daughter Maddie and brand spanking new baby Emily. I think that if we add anything else fun to the weekend I might explode!

One last tangent - if I have to think or deal with Minnesota anymore I may snap - it's too much. If you don't know, please don't ask me to explain because seriously, close to snapping here. Don't push the envelope people. It's dangerous. #=-(

Pray for me. Pray for Kevin too, poor guy -- all this mental anguish/excitement and all he wants to do is fix it and he can't.

This message will self destruct in five minutes.
Run.