Now What?

I miss my friends, but I honestly put off calling them. Why? I dread the, "So what's new with you?" question that's always asked. I know that it's my friends way of checking in on me and they don't expect some wonderfully exciting piece of news. The problem is I do.

I had all of these plans and dreams. Some of which have come to pass. Others seem to be floating off into some ethereal place, or to have fallen behind the refrigerator of my mind. I feel as though I've accomplished very little in the last 28 years.

Am I just adjusting to mediocrity? Do I need to just let go of the dreams and plans and adjust to the monoteny that is my life? Is this the point in life where I wake up and realize, maybe it's not going to happen. This is what you'll see day in and day out for-ev-er.

Or, do i shake the dust and cobwebbs away, take a good hard assesment of where I am and adjust course? The only answer I have is the honest question of, ugh I don't know. I've lived life (or have tried to) by my favorite passage of scripture "A man's life is not his own. It is not for man to direct his steps." Jer 10:23

But, that can lead to a theological conundrum and the diference between Arminianism & Clavanism. My Calvanist friends would say, obviously God placed you where you are, so bloom little flower. [Ok, not all of them would add the bit about the flower - they're not all rosey -HA! Get it!] But my strong Arminian side screams back - BUT I HAVE FREE WILL; Perhaps it's my poor choices that have landed me here! Then this huge debate happens in my head that leads further down the rabbit trail to the deep recess of perhaps too much philosphical and theological training (or not enough).

We've been talking about vision, purpose, and mission in our church and family group, err Village - it will always be a family group to me. I think I may have it by George!! Maybe my mission can be to find and live in the tension of not being satisfied with where I am or what I'm doing, but still being content in where I've landed (been led). To praise God for the past and to give to Him the dreams and ambitions and let Him shape them. Sort of like a toddler who sees some great sculpture in her head but can only make worms out of her playdough. So I'll give my playdough to the One who can match the picture placed inside me. Hopefully when it's done I'll see some of my fingerprints (places where I was listening and obedient to God).